2025 FSU ADPHI KILLEM Wrapped
2025 FANTASY SEASON WRAPPED
We're back and worse than ever as Robby now has a stranglehold on the league and therefore, our mental health between the months of September-January. Not only do we only have one person who's won twice, but now that same person has won 3 times and the first back-to-back in our league. Feels like the usual suspects these days when it comes to who is in the playoffs/who is vying for diggity dogs. And to noone surprise, our hotdog king this year is John Alexander Chambliss "Dobby 'Donby'" Shubert IX, a progeny bore to carry on the names of the many hotdog kings that thrived in his line over generations. It was written in the stars and in his trades. But curiously enough we got our first hotdog king decision maker, as he made a furious comeback to take out Chrimmy in the loser bracket championship. Before we get to his decision, wanted to share a short wrapped on the year for each team:
Assistant Shadow Comissioner (Rob)
Season MVP: Trey McBride
Best and Worst Draft Pick: Puka Nacua (2.08), Kaleb Johnson (7.05)
Something to Smile about: Won the chip, congrats and fuck you.
Wrapped: First 3 time champ and first back-to-back champ. Lets jump him next season.
Gordon's Little Beauties (Gordo)
Season MVP: Tre Tucker (Davante Adams)
Best and Worst Draft Pick: Davante Adams (3.03), Matthew Golden (6.10)
Something to Smile about: Got his money back?
Wrapped: Just noticed that he ended the season with our boy Tre. Was able to ride out a bad wave towards the end of the season to make the chip, but got Puka'd in the finale, woe is Gordo.
I Hate It Here Vol.1 (Mesh)
Season MVP: Jaxson Dart
Best and Worst Draft Pick: Josh Jacobs (2.03), Tyreek Hill (4.03)
Something to Smile about: I didn't lose in the championship for a 3rd straight year
Wrapped: My team wasn't good but apparently better than most of the rest of yalls. Dart saved my season with consistent performances except for that one week where had like .2. The future is mormon.
Carvin' my Marvin (Camm)
Season MVP: Michael Wilson
Best and Worst Draft Pick: Javonte Williams (9.04), AJ Brown (2.09)
Something to Smile about: He can once again boast all offseason about how his team had the highest scoring potential
Wrapped: As is tradition, Camm flew too close to the sun in the regular season and flamed out in the playoffs. But hey at least Michael Wilson was there to score a million point or something for him (#JUSTICEFORDORTCH).
This is apparently what Camm and Matt Ryan's Baby would look like
Stairway to Evans (Schmaus)
Season MVP: Me telling him to set his lineup
Best and Worst Draft Pick: Josh Allen (3.08), Bucky Irving (2.05)
Something to Smile about: A reversal of fortunes from last year
Wrapped: No hotdogs for Schmausy this year but it cant feel good to stomp everyone the first half of the season and then get merked by injuries. But hey he still limped into the 'yoffs.
My Nabers are Swifties (Trevor)
Season MVP: Dobby because idk what Trevor offered him in real life for them to make all of the trades they did this season
Best and Worst Draft Pick: George Pickens (5.11), Malik Nabers (1.11)
Something to Smile about: Made the playoffs?
Wrapped: Snuck into the playoffs there at the end but season was lost when Malik went down. Yeah, I'm still sad too.
3 Kids 1 Nut (Payton)
Season MVP: The Oracles
Best and Worst Draft Pick: Bijan Robinson (1.02), Jameson Williams (5.02)
Something to Smile about: Can talk all offseason about how he would've won it all if we didn't veto his trade
Wrapped: Had some studs but injuries and lack of performance from some of his bigger names spelled his downfall. The oracles are already looking to 2029.
Doin it for Skat (Marty)
Season MVP: Cam Skattebo
Best and Worst Draft Pick: Tyler Warren (8.06), Jayden Daniels (3.07)
Something to Smile about: He almost made the 'yoffs
Wrapped: Marty, shame on you for not setting your lineup in losers bracket, gave Dobby power and quit on the league weeks early. But that aside, this team was crawling to victories all season, Skat's injury (and ankle) pointed Marty's team in the wrong direction.
Garcinia Cambogia (Chri)
Season MVP: Jonathan Taylor
Best and Worst Draft Pick: Jonathan Taylor (2.01), Joe Burrow (3.12)
Something to Smile about: He gets to play fantasy with us? Idk
Wrapped: Tough season. Taylor and Aubrey just couldn't do it alone. Also, way to draft a defense in round 9 and never play them ever. Then he had hope after getting to the losers bracket championship, but then lost somehow after having a 99% win probability. The gods giveth and they taketh away, welcome to the suck.
Dr. Omalu's Future Patients (Jackson)
Season MVP: Nico Collins I guess?
Best and Worst Draft Pick: Travis Etienne (8.04), Alvin Kamara (4.04)
Something to Smile about: Although contrary to Dobby's spreadsheet, standings say he is not the worst team
Wrapped: All around bad draft from Jackson, Nico was the only person with a fucking pulse.
Losers Bracket Champ (Tron)
Season MVP: New York Jets
Best and Worst Draft Pick: James Cook (3.01), Ladd McConkey (2.12)
Something to Smile about: No dawgs for Megatron
Wrapped: Maybe next time don't draft like 4 people from a team that is projected to be worse than ass. But hey he avoided dawgs.
Smith-Njiggle my Balls (Donby)
Season MVP: Dobby's Trade Analyzer
Best and Worst Draft Pick: Jaxon Smith-Njigba (3.06), Isaiah Pacheco (6.07)
Something to Smile about: Even though he is eating dawgs, his spreadsheet said he wasnt the worst team
Wrapped: His team found some life (and luck) after the regular season was over to decide where we are going for hotdog weekend this year. And our destination is................
TORONTO for a Blue Jays Game.
Slammarn would like to do this in August so we can draft in person, let us know ASAP rocky whether you will be attending the debauchery abroad this year.
Everyone's least favorite Shadow Commissioner,
Mesh
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