Week 13 Recap (The Final Fuckdown): Wtf did I just watch
Week 13 Recap
Holy fucking smokes I meant to do a writeup weeks ago and now all of a sudden its the end of the season. At least you guys get one more and what a time to ask: what the ever loving shit happened this season? Looking at all the teams and records this could quite literally be anyone's year, frontrunners have come and gone and a furious debacle of math comes free with the hotdog race. Oh yeah and noone is fucking healthy. No one is safe, we're all gonna die, why can't the Giants give me happiness for longer than 15 seconds (the image of Skat's ankle visits me with each waking nightmare). But back to the point, there is literally no way to predict who will come out on top in both the regular season or fantasy, so get your popcorn buckets ready you cucks, the rapture is about to start. (P.S. I have so many stupid memes saved from not doing writeups that you guys are about to get all of my mental illness in one go)
Carvin my Marvin (114.84) v I Hate it Here Vol.1 (57.36)
I forgot how early the lions and packers played on Thanksgiving but still, fucking YIKES. My highest scorer was Dart on his worst performance of the season (dont get me started on the reffing in that game), and Camm could've beaten me with AJ Brown, his kicker and literally a bag of dirt. The less said about this potential playoff matchup the better, but Camm still hasn't clinched a playoff berth yet.
Taking 150 on the chin (114.06) v My Nabers Are Swifties (95.16)
Hey look Meg didn't take 150 on this chin and got a win. He'll likely go on and on about how this is unjust but hey, 60% of fantasy is luck and he just had a bad run of it. But not this week, his bad luck bled to trevor who had half his team fail to put up winning numbers. But even with the smart Jordan Love play, Meg still left a whole lot on the bench, just wasn't unlucky enough to beat himself this time.
3 Kids 1 Nut (117.22) v Garcinia Cambogia (112.34)
For once Jonathan Taylor wasn't Superman and the rest of Chrimmy's team had an actual pulse, but he could not parlay (calm down Meg n Trev) that into a win unfortunately. It was a close matchup with alot of players putting up double digits on both sides, but I think its telling that Payton sat his defense to secure the win, the rest of his team did enough. For Chris he has to hope the math doesn't lead to hotdogs for him, but everyone look, he finally started the Broncos defense that he drafted in like the 7th round.
Gordon's Little Beauties (133.14) v Smith Njiggle my Balls (77.12)
This actually looked close before the 2pm (4pm EST) games started, before Dobby's only good player did nothing. He loves the stack and think he deserves the less than 10pt output that the sehawks stack gave him. Gordon had another good week to be the frontrunner of our leagie, but mostly through Mahomes and the Seahwaks defense. He might be the one to beat, but Gordo definitely looks human after the last few weeks. But didn't matter this week as Dobby has to hope he can claw his way from the dogs.
Doin it for Skat (95.28) v Stairway to Evans (72.72)
Marty might have set a new record for most wins under 100 points, but the luck is swinging his way at the right time. And Schmaus' luck is swinging the wrong way at the right time (for us). Like alot of teams, Marty has like 2 studs and a cobbled together bunch otherwise, but huge games from Rashee and Drake kept him afloat. Schmaus apparently did something bad to a turkey cause what happened to him on thanksgiving was just sad. 1.4 from 3 players and one of his best is out for a few weeks. Looking at his IR, I think he should be grateful that this luck didnt make him eat hotdogs for a second straight year.
Assistant Shadow Commissioner (133.34) v Dr. Omalu's Future Patients (80.8)
Remember when we all dunked on Robby after the draft? I don't that never happened we've always lauded him for how good he can draft. And with literally double digits from every single one of his players, he showed us that no RB draft is the move apparently. Jackson tried his hardest to put together a salvagable roster but dude other than Nico Collins this roster is buns. Was wondering why the chat was so quiet these days, the man who only knows how to talk shit (well I guess Meg does that too) has not shit to talk.
Power Rangers Rankings
1. Gordon's Little Beauties (Gordo?)
Clearly the frontrunner but the team doesn't look that scary anymore outside of Davante and Mahomes. Luck can take a turn at any moments so he has to hope his team can maintain momentum. Historical Fact: The #1 seed has never won the championship in our league.
2. Assistant Shadow Commissioner (Rob)
This man drafted zero RB's in the first 8 rounds and has been spot starting quarterback weekly. Fuck you Rob someone in Tampa take out his knees.
3. Carvin My Marvin (Camm)
Just a horny little boy ready for the excuses when his team flares out in the playoffs.
4. 3 Kids 1 Nut (Payton)
Good team, but whether he can make a playoff run or not depends on how the Hampton and London injuries shake out.
5. Doin it for Skat (Marty)
One of his two studs is on bye this coming week, can he pull together to secure an unexpected playoff berth?
6. I Hate it Here Vol.1 (Mesh)
My team literally lives and die's but Jaxson Dart and whether my RB's can score a tud weekly. Who the fuck knows if I'll make the playoffs or not.
7. My Nabers are Swifties (Trev)
Still in the hunt but has a tough bye week at the worst time.
8. Stairway to Evans (Schmaus)
This team is decimated and might be the last stroke of bad luck for Schmausy on week 14.
9. Garcinia Cambogia (Chrimmy)
Jonathan Taylor and the Broncos Defense.
10. Dr. Omalu's Future Patients (Jackson)
Nico Collins and the Browns Defense.
11. Taking 150 on the Chin (Meg)
Potential hotdog boy who will leave at least 40 points on his bench.
12. Smith Njiggle my Balls (Dobby)
Likely hotdog boy but with how close everything is, anything can happen.
This is still the tightest race to date for both playoffs and hotdog boys. Only two teams have clinched and literally everyone has something to play for this week. Hotdog race could still realistically be one of 4 players because: Tiebreakers are H2H and then points for, so very curious to see how things shake out. Other thing of note: it was decreed before I have up the reigns that bois weekend location will be decided 1 week after the close of the season. Hope everyone can make it out if we do it early summer this year (except for Marty who will never come hang because he likes the undergrads more than us). Happy belated thanksgiving, love and hate you all with every fiber of my being, good luck in the respective hotdog and playoff races, and I hate it here (Vol.1).
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