Week 1 Recap

 Fuckers, Fucker, Fuckers,

In the third year of our lord Dr. Richard Dawg, our third (real) fantasy season got off to a raucous start with a few nail-biters and a couple of demolitions. As I look to defend my championship, Marty looks to return to fantasy relevance with the resurrection of the Fupa Party, and Jackson looks to break out in his rookie season, let's take a trip down memory lane and look back on the first week of the 2021 season.

Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (113.62) v Robby Anderson WR1 (106.6)

One of the nail-biters I was referring to earlier, this matchup between me and Payne went back and forth consistently. And eventually, came down to the wire. While I got a hot start from Dak on Thursday, Payne came through with some strong performers in D Hop and Hockenson. The day was won with a strong showing from Kelce and Waddle for me in the later slate of games, but it all came down to the Giant's piss-poor performance tanking Payne's score at the end even though he had Chubb giving him a chubb. RB injuries definitely had their part to play in this one, can either of us make up on the running back depth over the season?

The Leftovers IR (116.08) v Losing Season, Drinking Reason (108.58)

Another game that came down to the wire while not being particularly high scoring. With strong performances on either side due to Cowboy's WRs, the matchup never looked like anything other than a trench-war. But at the end of the day, Donny's skill players ended up handing Gordon a devastating loss. It came down to the Monday night game, while Gordon was projected to win with a big game from Mark Andrews, Justin Tucker let Donny sneak away with the win. Will Gordon come back from this heartbreaking loss to finally make the playoffs? Will Donny's team stay healthy for once or will he bring up insurance again next offseason? Only time will tell.

Show me your TD's (125.12) v Return of the Fupa Party (98.4)

The Fupa party did not have the triumphant return that it envisioned. An absolutely electric start from Brady and Gronk on Thursday put Marty in a good spot heading into the main slate of games, where the rest of his team decided to take a giant shit, with none of his skill players getting more than 10 points with the exception of Gaskin. None of that takes away from a dominant performance by Payton's team, getting close to 20 with Montgomery and Kupp and a whopping 29.4 from Deebo. He didn;t even need Rodgers to decimate Marty. While his team is balling, will that luck run out before the finals for Payton again? And the biggest question on all of our minds, is the return of the Fupa party going to be a return at all?

Omalu's Future Patients (122.2) v No Bucs Given Fish (96.14)

Ira's team name gives me heartburn. But more importantly, Jackson game out of the gate on fire. He got deent returns from everyone on his roster, most importantly a 33.6 performance from Cheetah. Ira came in as one of the lowest in draft rankings, and his team didn't do much to combat that initial stereotype. Although Thielen gave him some hope, Zeke's woeful performance on Thursday was a harbinger of mediocrity for Ira's team on Sunday. A kicker being a top 3 team scorer should be a bad dream to any one of us, can Ira's team shake the early season wear? And will Jackson continue his hot start to wrap up a playoff spot? 

Brother Decotis Lives (146.06) v Sean Paul's Naughty Shawtys (118.38)

This was the highest scoring matchup totally this week, with Tuna beating Camm handily. Camm might've said last season was a fluke, but excuses could not stop Tuna's team from running wild. Any other week, Kyler or Mahomes would have carried either of these teams with their performances, but them playing each other meant the teams had to rely on their skill players to break the tie. While Camm had big games from Antonio Brown, Swift, and even the Panther's defense, the rest of his team failed to put up respectable numbers. Tunechi on the other hand got double digits from everyone on his team sans his defense, making what seemed like a tough matchup look like it was never a competition to begin with. Will Tuna's team be able to replicate this kind of performance consistently? And will Camm's excuse for not winning it all this year be how many points were scored against him?

Orchids of Asia (155.76) v Non-Fungible Team (83.66)

The blowout of the week, good fucking god. And the most interesting part is this was a matchup of last years worst and best in the regular season, with Schmaus reversing his fortunes from the year prior. Like talk about a changing of the guard. Schmaus had double digits from his entire team (with his lowest scorer, Drake, at 9.5), while Robby's team (running back U) couldn't muster much of anything. A surprisingly dominant performance from Jalen Hurts was overshadowed by Robby's next two highest scorers being his defense and kicker. Not much else to say, this was a bloodbath. Can Robby return to the heights his team experienced last year? And will Schmaus show that his last place finish last year was a fluke en route to a championship? Let's hope not. 

Next Weeks Matchups:

Fuck You Cammarn Vol 2 v The Leftovers IR

Robby Anderson WR1 v Return of the Fupa Party

Losing Season, Drinking Reason v Omalu's Future Patients

Show me your TDs v Brother Decotis Lives

No Bucs Given FISH v Non-Fungible Team

Sean Paul's Naughty Shawty's v Orchids of Asia