Week 3 Recap

In the real world, the football gods graced us with some surprises this season. No one could have bet on some of the 3-0 teams (Panthers and Broncos surprised me in particular) or even the chiefs having a losing record at any pint this season. Unfortunately for some people like me, real life mirrors the fantasy world somewhat but at least I can say I run my goddamn team better than the Giant's owners. Am I projecting? Probably. But like Goodell's NFL, Daddy's A-Squad frat league also handed us some surprises early in the season. It's a pleasure and joy to play with you guys every week, and I will bring up the tattoo punishment every year until someone takes me out of this world. Without further ado, let us take a look back at this week of fantasy. 

Return of the Fupa Party (151.68) v Fuck You Cammarn Vol. 2 (114.92)

The sequel is never as good as the original it seems. Gus Edward's initial injury didn't hurt me bad at first, but burned me good this week with Devin Singletary getting me 3 fucking points. My score might've been okay to beat a majority of the league this week, but not when I'm playing the highest scorer. I had a few decent performers all around, but Marty came out swinging with 20 from multiple skill players and a whopping 30 from Tom's old ass. Martin's plug and play strategy payed off for him against me this week, but if he has to keep up that strategy he will find himself outside of the playoffs (especially when Dalvin comes back).

These eyes....cry every night for you

The Leftover's IR (122.04) v Omalu's Future Patients (84.38)

And then there was one. Donny is currently the only undefeated team in the league after a decimation of Jackson. While Snakely came in undefeated as well, he was quickly brought down to earth after less than 5 points from 3 players on his team and a brutal negative 8 from the football teams defense (go sports). While the Bucs D gave Donny negative points as well, he grabbed double digits from more than half his team, including 19 from new record holder Justin Tucker and fucking 30 from Herbie. Donny's team might not look scary on paper, but if they keep this charge up then they might be scary to face in the playoffs. Doubt it doe. And can Jackson bounce back with 3 Qbs on his team?

Pretty Self Explanatory

Brother Decotis Lives (116.64) v  Robby Anderson WR1 (107.22)

Poor Dad. Al he wants to do is play fantasy football with his friends instead of staring into the existential void, but Tuna made the latter the more preferred option after this week. Payne falls to 0-3 this week after a poor performance by most of his team. He had Josh Allen and the Cleveland D ball out, but they couldn't make up for the rest of his team. But because of his high scorers this actually turned into a nail-biter, with several players on Tune's team underperforming or getting injured (RIP Run CMC). But at the end of the day, Tune was able to pull off the win before the Sunday night game even started, with Goedert's point just icing the cake. Dad is in the dumpster and Tuna has no running backs, they both might need to start praying.

When drinking works better than praying

Losing Season, Drinking Reason (100.08) v Non-Fungible Team (95.64)

Losing season for Gordo no more as his team pulls off a tight one against Rob. Both teams underwhelmed considerably this week and the game cam down to the wire, with Robby unable to grab a few more points on top of Hurts' 20.54. While he had some great production from the Denver defense, he only had 2 other double-digit scorers. Gordo on the other hand was able to get good games out of Gibson, Cooks, and (finally) Mark Andrews to top this matchup by a hair. Neither team looks to have that much in the tank week to week to sustain a playoff run, so any win at all could be deemed very important for either of these two teams. 

Robby and Gordo trying to hype up their teams

Orchids of Asia (109.02) v Show Me Your TD's (108.04)

TALK ABOUT A FUCKING SQUEAKER. This matchup was the closest one we've had all season, being decided by less than 1 point. As fearsome as the Seahawk's stack looks on paper, it seem's like it's one or the other when it comes to their WRs this year. But as long as he's throwing to someone I guess it doesn't matter. DK, Kamara and McManus all grabbed around 20 for Schmaus, but that doesn't mean he had it in the bag at any point. Payton's shrewd drafting of Kupp is continuing to pay off in spades, who seems like he will keep putting up close to 20 a game to help account fort any weak spots on Pay-Pay's team. But not this week. And as dazzling as A-Rodg was to lead the Packers to a comeback, he could not do Payton the same justice, being about 25 yards away from giving Payton the point he needed. With both teams pretty high on last week's power rankings, this matchup might have been more important at the end than we realize.

Can't win em all

Sean Paul's Naughty Shawties (143) v Dawson's Zeke (105.04)

Camm kicking Schmi while he's down. Camm and his friend Sean Paul absolutely leveled the opposition, scoring close to 150 while getting an almost goose egg out of his TE. 4 players over 20 points and a couple that came pretty close for Sean Paul, with his fringe players performing to the projections that Camm drafted them at. Ira's team looks questionable these days on paper, and when your only consistent scorer is Adam Thielen, you might have to consider trading fucking everybody. Zeke did ball out on Monday night and his kicker and defense are producing at solid rates, he cannot seem to get many points from his skill players week-to-week. 

On this week's episode of Dawson's Zeke...

POWER RANGERS RANKINGS:

This week, in addition to talking slightly about the rankings, we'll also be diving into fantasy studs for each team (sans our first round picks):

1. Sean Paul's Naughty Shawties (Camm) (2-1, LW: 3) 

Fantasy Stud: Patrick Mahomes

Camm is outscoring the fuck out of everyone so far this season, and yes his stud might seem easy. But even with the Chiefs standing with a losing record, Mahomes has had to ball out week after week to try and bail out his defense, making Camm look like a genius even when picking him earlier than most would.

2. The Leftovers IR (Donny) (3-0, LW:4)

Fantasy Stud: Aaron Jones

Undefeated and climbing up the rankings, if Donny can keep his winning consistent, the top slot should be his in no time. But while noone on his team has been consistent every week, Jones has been balling and his 40 point performance saved him from a loss to yours truly week 2 (still fucking mad about that).

3. Orchids of Asia (Schmaus) (2-1, LW:2)

Fantasy Stud: Russell Wilson

Schmaus falls this week only due to the dominance of two teams, his barely-win keeping him on the top 3. His Seahawks stack has lost some steam due to his stud only wanting to feed one of his hot receiver per week, but hey, I'm liking the taste of Russ' cooking. 

4. Show Me Your TD's (Pay-Pay) (2-1, LW:1)

Fantasy Stud: Cooper Kupp

A loss sends Payton down a few spots, but we have to worry about his stud all goddamn year. He couldn't back up the shit talk this week, Cupp will continue to cuck us every week now that Stafford Infection is throwing to him 20 times a game for the rest of the season.

5. Return of the Fupa Party (Martinez) (2-1, LW: 8)

Fantasy Stud: Tom Brady

Marty's team either wants to score the most every week or decide to do absolutely nothing, but good thing he's got father time on his side. He picked him earlier than anyone expected (along with his incest cousin, Gronk), but TB12 is lighting up defenses this year cause apparently he told Bruce Arians that he wasn't allowed to run the ball anymore.

6. Brother Decotis Lives (Tuna) (2-1, LW:6)

Fantasy Stud: Charger's WRs

Tuna's place in the rankings might drop soon due to his RB situation, his WR situation is solid. Tune is putting faith in Justin Herbert (not on his team) to sling the ball to Keenan Allen and Mike Williams, who are producing week by week whether it be yards, tuddies, or both.

7. Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (Meh) (1-2, LW: 7)

Fantasy Stud: Chris Carson

I might have only won one game, but my team consistently puts up points. I just also have the unfortunate luck of having the second most points against. While my stud isn't exciting, he has been my most consistent performer week in-week out. Here's hoping my big names start to break out cause I can't ride Carson all year. 

8. Omalu's Future Patients (Jackson) (2-1, LW:5)

Fantasy Stud: Chris Godwin

Jackson's place in this week's ranking has more to do with an interesting little tidbit than it does his record. He has the lowest points scored and the lowest points against in the league. Lucky and surprising as his record is after that knowledge, Godwin has been popping off all season. Even though Lamar might be putting up as many points, his rankings isn't as good as where his draft ranking was. His team looks okay on paper, they just can't all perform/stay healthy week-to-week. 

9. Non- Fungible Team (Rob) (1-2, LW: 10)

Fantasy Stud: Jalen Hurts

Happy Birthday Rob, consider you going up in the rankings even with a loss a present from you big. But it mostly has to do with other team's hopes looking dimmer. But even with a slow start to the season, Jalen Hurts is still keeping him alive. Whether he pops off early for a win like week 1 or is just getting garbage-time points in other weeks, his 20 plus every week is something Robby hopes he keeps up.

10. Losing Season, Drinking Reason (Gordo) (1-2, LW:12)

Fantasy Stud: Brandin Cooks

Gordo slowly climbs out of the cellar in this weeks rankings. While performances from most of his team leaves something to be desired, he can hold solace in the fact that not even the quarterbacks know if there's any other receiver playing in Houston. Every time the ball is in the air for the shitty Texans, it seems like its journeyman Cooks who comes down with it. Wasn't a sexy draft pick by any means, but it seems like the only hope for Gordo at this point.

11. Robby Anderson WR1 (Payne) (0-3, LW: 9)

Fantasy Stud: Josh Allen

Payne's stud is Josh Allen and he finds himself this low due to the unbelievable inconsistency of his team. Allen can put up points every week, but it seems like Payne has alot of close losses due to the fact that someone who should be putting up points decides to take a shit on any given week. The fantasy gods just must hate Dad this year. He has the talent on his roster but can his team every put it all together is the question.

12. Dawson's Zeke (Ira) (0-3, LW:11)

Fantasy Stud: Adam Thielen

Smeagol is our dumpster baby of the week, and like I said in last week's writeup, his team looks dope 3 years ago. None of them are consistent fantasy performers anymore, but Thielen seems to be getting it done this year even after becoming a WR2. If Ira's team doesn't start showing signs of winning soon, he might be stuck eating waffles in a Waffle House come season's end.

Good Luck Next Week to Absolutely Fookin Nobody

WEEK 4 MATCHUPS:

Omalu's Future Patients v Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2

Return of the Fupa Party v Brother Decotis Lives

The Leftover's IR v Non-Fungible Team

Robby Anderson WR1 v Orchids of Asia

Losing Season, Drinking Reason v Sean Paul's Naughty Shawties

Show Me Your TD's v Dawson's Zeke