Week 5 Recap

 Week 5 Recap

*National Anthem Presented by Dan Tarlini*

Moving closer towards the second half of the fantasy season, our league looks a little different than it normally does. There is a definite divide between good teams and bad teams, with there being three 4-1 teams and just as many teams locked to a pipe in the proverbial cellar. Does this has to do with good drafting or the ridiculous glut of injuries that every player has sustained this year? Only time will tell, but now that we have bye weeks to contend with, the men and the boys will be separated soon if they haven't been already. We had our highest scoring week total of all time I think (everyone scored at least 100 except for 2 of us and someone almost put up 200 good god), so lets jump into last weeks matchups, shall we?

Brother Decotis Lives (107.26) v Fuck You Cammarn Vol 2

My sequel is definitely not as good as the original. While I hoped trading away Kelce for Saquon (among other players) would do me good, he went down early leading to misery for Kam. While I had a good lead thanks to my new TE Pitts, Kareem Hunt and the Chargers receivers balling out helped Tune bowl over me. He even benched his defense as a real fuck you. Tune puts himself back in playoff contention while I cry sliding down the standings.

Help

Omalu's Future Patients (136.98) v Non-Fungible Team (102.22)

The other side of the big trade didn't work out quite so well either, as Robby was smoked by Jackson. Chris Carson's midweek injury surprised all of us, but it wouldn't have mattered either way the way the score shook out. While noone was buying Jackson's record in the first few weeks, his team finally  realized how many millions they are being paid and decided to step up. 20 points from Najee and Jamarr Chase were dwarfed by Lamar's 40, so decent performances by most of Robby's team couldn't make up the difference. 

Jackson looking for that high ground

Return of the Fupa Party (195.74) v Orchids of Asia (123.28)

Mother of fucking god, Marty put up the most points of all time in our league if I'm not mistaken. Schmaus' team didn't do terrible by any means, getting solid weeks from Kamara and DK. Russ went down for him but it still didn't matter when Marty gets 40 from Brady, 32 from Henry, multiple 20 burgers, and his only player not scoring double digits being his kicker. This week will be one to remember for the Fupa Party, while Shmaus is smarting from the beatdown the former champion brought down on him.

Broken hand ain't no thang

Sean Paul's Naughty Shawties (166.78) v The Leftover's IR (114.82)

The King (of the first 4 weeks) is dead. Camm showed everyone that you're not gonna beat him by a fluke, you need to score in plentiful amounts to beat his team. 30 from Ekeler, Adams, and AB had Donny down bad early, and even 43 from Herbie Fully Loaded couldn't keep him afloat, as the rest of his team came crumbling back down to earth. He got a few players in double digits, but most of them stunk (with his bench not doing any better). Will the trends this week for these two heavy hitters ring true for the rest of the season as well?

Camm, I SUGGEST you stop scoring

Robby Anderson WR1 (167.8) v Dawson's Zeke (126.3)

Payne came out as the winner of the dumpster bowl, with every single one of his players getting double digits except for his kicker (Allen, Chubb, and Evans all had 25+). Ira's team finally put up some decent numbers, showing as he said countless times that his team shouldn't have been as bad as they were. But it didn't matter either way when you get dickdawged in a must-win game for both teams. While Payne's team finally balled, do both teams need to capitalize on this week with a fire sale to keep any playoff aspirations afloat?

Fire Sale?

Losing Season, Drinking Reason (154.38) v All Star IR (99.36)

Don't look now but Gordo has pulled off a two-game winning streak to stay relevant in the league. Gordo got great numbers from Taylor and Andrews on Monday Night to get him an easy dub, and Gordo is prolly crying tears of elation now that those two are finally performing. Shedding tears for a different reason is PayPay, whose team is decimated as his new team name describes. Payton is gonna need to get his broken boys back to stand a chance in the playoffs this season, but could this matchup be a harbinger of the changing of the guard in our league this season?

Someone Check on Payton

POWER RANKINGS

This week we will be delving into the fantasy duds for each team.

1. Sean Paul's Naughty Shawties, 4-1, DUD (TE position)

Tonyan was the only weak link of Camm's drafted team, but he has officially dropped him for Gesicki who is also not a sure thing. But the way that the rest of his team scores week to week, Camm is gonna be a problem to matchup against even if he is streaming TE's.

2. Return of the Fupa Party, 4-1, DUD: ELijah Mitchell

What seemed like a smart pickup for Marty in the early weeks has not panned out the way the projections were saucing him up. But it doesn't really matter the way his team is putting up points. He still seems to be plugging and playing people week to week so we'll see if his team can hold out with all his tinkering. 

3. The Leftover's IR, 4-1, DUD: RB2's

While Aaron Jones is soaring most weeks, Donny's other running backs cannot seem to be consistent. Mixon is kindof injured and Edwards-Helaire is definitely injured, so we'll see if his bench rb's or mixon can finally start popping off.

4. Omalu's Future Patients, 4-1, DUD: Josh Jacobs

Jackson has a good record but still torunces everyone in least points against, he has luck on his side apparently. Luck was also on Jacobs side when he scored those early touchdowns in the first game of the season, but since has been injured or invisible on the field. Eventually somone will actually put up a bunch on Jackson, and he might not be able to stave them off if Jacobs is still hurting.

5. Orchids of Asia, 3-2, DUD: One of his Seahawks receivers

The stack was fearsome at first, but for some reason Russ only wanted to throw to one of DK and Lockett per game. With Russ going down with injury, it might be hard to count on even one of them with Geno Smith throwing to them for the foreseeable future.

6. All-Star IR, 3-2, DUD: George Kittle

Kittle is always rated one of the top tight ends every year and yet couldn't even put up double digits every week before hitting IR. Kittle is not as good as he once was and it might hurt Payton in the long run for drafting him as high as most people were. And his whole team is broken so he should probably worry more about that.

7. Brother Decotis Lives, 3-2, DUD: Rb's and TE's

Tuna's team is solid except for the fact that he lost running backs early. The replacements he has been using have not popped off in a way that would help him, but in addition, the inconsistent play of eagles TE's have hurt him on a couple of different weeks.

8. Losing Season, Drinking Reason, 2-3, DUD: Ryan Tannehill

Tanny-Boy was seen as a smart QB pickup in later rounds at the beginning of the season, but has not popped off consistently this season. It has more to do with the Titans playing up or down to the skill of their opponent week by week. But with the rest of his team underperforming other than the past two weeks, he might need a different QB to help spur him towards a playoff berth.

9. Robby Anderson WR1, 1-4, DUD: TJ Hockensen

I wanted to say DHop just cause of his weird inconsistency, but for a guy being drafted in the top 5 TE's this year, Hockensen has been garbage sans week 1. I think we're all aware of how important a solid TE is this season, and for the draft capital Payne had to waste on the Lions TE, it definitely isn't panning out.

10. Non-Fungible Team, 1-4, DUD: Running Backs

After trading away Saquon to me, it left him without many consistent RB's to deal with. While he might've gained Kelce, his RB situation was precarious before trading away Barkley. While it probably would have been more precarious if he had kept him, the RB's at Rob's disposal do not inspire confidence for him nor fear for anyone else.

11. Fuck Cammarn Vol.2, 1-4. DUD: Stefon Diggs

Well this is awkward. What doesn't give me hope about this season is my injury situation fucking me every week. What gives me even less hope is Diggs, who was drafted as one of the top wideouts this year and has shat the bed consistently when considering his pre-season value. Someone who should be hauling in touchdowns and yards has not done so consistently enough to be the WR that my team needs to climb out of the gutter. 

12. Dawson's Zeke, 0-5, DUD: Miles Sanders

Baker Mayfield was a close one, but for how high people were drafting Sanders compared to other RBs, this one hurts alot. Granted it could just be cause the Eagles run game looks like dogshit, but he has being outpaced by other random backs in yards almost every game, making that pickup look like a real bad one. 

This is the part of the season where people are either getting depressed or over-confident, so we'll see if the standing can be shaken up at all with bye weeks in play now. 

I SUGGEST

NEXT WEEKS MATCHUPS

Non-Fungible Team v Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2

Brother Decotis Lives v Orchids of Asia

Omalu's Future Patients v Sean Paul's Naughty Shawties

Return of the Fupa Party v Dawson's Zeke

The Leftover's IR v The All-Star IR

Robby Anderson WR1 v Losing Season, Drinking Reason