End of Days (Week 14)

My last gloat

Daddy finally came back from getting cigarettes. I apologize, I slacked with the write-ups over the past month. Life intervenes. But since I love you all I'll send you off with some final words as our season comes to an end (next year we can do an actual toilet bowl so the losers still have a stake in the game and the people in the playoffs can keep bitching about how we shouldn't be able to pick up players). But alas this year, half of our seasons are over. The winner (loser) of the waffle house bowl is ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... IRA!

We all look forward to your live video at Waffle House. DO YOU REMEMBAH the rules? 24 hours in a waffle house with every waffle taking an hour off of your time. Feel free to pregame but not to a point that you fall asleep in said Waffle House. 

As we look at the last week before the playoffs we'll also analyze matchups, and focus more on the rankings of teams at seasons end than the matchups last week. But Da Big O has thrown a huge fucking wrench in all the playoff teams plans. In a weird season of countless injuries and fantasy-irrelevant players balling out almost weekly, anything could happen on the road to victory.

Lets look back on the final week of the regular season:

Sean Paul's Naughty Shawties (141.12) v Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (115.14)

Camm rides into the playoffs as the #1 seed, taking me down again as I pray for a better season next year.

He had a wild day from Davante, Melvin Gordon, and surprisingly the Tennessee defense My team started to make up ground with the emergence of Waddle late in the season but couldn't even hit 20 points with any players while Camm had 4. 

Camm to everyone this regular season

Return of the Fupa Party (122.52) v Orchids of Asia (114.22)

Tom Brady saves the day again for the Fupa Party. The return is looking as real as ever. He had a few other players that scored in double-digits, but unfortunately that's most of what Schmaus' team could muster as a whole. While he did have Lockett and Kamara pop off, TB12 and Renfrow had even better games to ultimately swing this matchup his way. But Schmaus is still in the playoffs and seems to have alot of fight left in him.

The Fupa Party and Acid Tom are coming for your dreams

The Leftover's IR (117.4) v Dawson's Zeke (39.2)

It seems like both of these teams gave up at the end, Ira because he had secured his Waffle House berth, and for Donny who fucking knows. Neither had a valid lineup. He was still in the playoff race due to the hot start he had at the beginning of the season, but has sunk worse than the Seahawks this season. But even so, this got out of hand. The players Donny did actually play popped off whereas the few players Ira actually had in disappointed. 

Noone told Don and Ira this week

Losing Season, Drinking Reason (106.04) v Omalu's Future Patients (94.68)

Gordo doesn't even need Jonathan Taylor, coming into the playoffs on fookin fire since being at the bottom of the power rankings towards the beginning of the year. Jackson is no slouch either, but could only muster big points out of two of his players. Gordon had a bit more consistency between his scorers, grabbing the #3 playoff spot.

Only Gordo can put the fire out

Brother Decotis Lives (72.82) v Non- Fungible Team (64.16)

Lol. It was quite a stinker between one team firmly out of the playoffs and another still in the race. But Tuna couldn't muster enough points to propel his way into the playoffs. 3 goose-eggs between them, with two coming from Robby who looks like he actually checked his lineup. Tuna can end the season with a smile, but his team couldn't put up big points when it mattered.

Not much else to say

Kupp the Balls (150.4) v Robby Anderson WR1 (149.82)

Oy vey we got a matchup of the week. This one went down to the wire with the two highest scorers of the week, even though Payne is already eliminated from the playoffs. Respect. But the scariest thing is that Payton was down 2 players and still absolutely torched for the highest score of the week. Payne's team didn't slouch but he couldn't go up against 5 of Pay Pay's players going above 20. Yikes. 

Payne looking at the score on Tuesday while being up 2 players 

FINAL POWER RANKINGS:

Before we get into the rankings, lets look at the playoff seeding:

Byes: #1 Sean Paul's Naughty Shawties

          #2 Return of the Fupa Party

Week 1 Matchups: #3 Losing Season, Drinking Reason

                               #6 Orchids of Asia

                               #4 Kupp the Balls

                               #5 Omalu's Future Patients

1. Return of the Fupa Party (12-2)

One of the boys on bye had to be at the top by season's end, and it goes to Marty. He might have lost Derrick Henry early on, but his pickups he was able to cobble together a good team of scorers. One might look at this team and think that it doesn't look that impressive. But one can never count out Tom and Jefferson, and his pickup of Elijah Mitchell might be the savviest pickup of the season. Don't count out the Fupa Party.

MVP: Tom Brady

LVP (based on ADP and performance): James Robinson

2. Sean Paul's Naughty Shawties (12-2)

Power Rankings has to deal partly with how good a team has been doing, not necessarily how strong their team looks. Camm has been tearing it up all season, but like always, is limping into the playoffs. He has a lot of running back injuries that he might not be able to cope with, so snagging the bye was crucial for him. His team is relying on 3 particular players being healthy and popping off. The former 2 are Ekeler and Swift, both are dope but their injuries could hamper Camm's team next week. But no matter what, his season will be made or broken on the back of Davante Adams, who can turn around any game in just a second.

MVP: Davante Adams

LVP: Antonio Brown

3. Kupp the Balls (10-4)

This was hard because I think Payton and Gordon (spoiler) are definitely the hottest teams coming into the playoffs. But Payton takes this spot due to how fucking scary his team looks coming into the show. Rodgers, Dalvin, Kupp, Deebo , and Kittle are all among the best in their positions when it comes to scoring, so suffice to say noone wants to face PayPay in the playoffs. Health has been an issue for him all season, but if his team can keep putting up points like they have been these past few weeks, my money is on Payton for the chip.

MVP: Cooper Kupp (you could honestly say any of those players mentioned above)

LVP: Chase Edmonds

4. Losing Season, Drinking Reason (10-4)

As I've said before, Gordon has been on absolute fire since his only appearance at the bottom of the power rankings. He is definitely another team to beat, but had to gain his power slowly as the season went on. But gain it he did on the backs of Jonathan Taylor and Mark Andrews, who's play at the beginning of the season was the main reason Gordon wasn't doing well. But since they are probably the two best in their respective positions. But Gordo has other players like Ceedee who could pop off on any given week, and his RB depth could also become a factor as the playoffs wind down.

MVP: Jonathan Taylor

LVP:Antonio Gibson

5. Omalu's Future Patients (9-5)

Lo and Behold, the youngin in our league found his way to the playoffs. There were some questions about his team earlier in the year, and curiously as his team started to do better he started losing some close games. But he is here on his own merit, with some good players even if they aren't all as consistent as they should be. Najee has been his most consistent scorer, but some weeks Tyreek Hill has absolutely willed Jackson's team to a win. His biggest fear will be having the playoffs be one of the weeks where his team decides not to show out, so it will be fun to see if this team can finally pull it together and get him to the chip (trophy will still not be going to Bahrain).

MVP: Tyreek Hill

LVP: Noah Fant

6. Orchids of Asia (7-7)

Schmaus by the skin of his fucking teeth. But he won the important games to lead the tiebreaker against Tuna and Donny. This team has suffered due to the Seahawks being shitty and not wanting both of their receivers to eat every week. But a healthy Alvin Kamara cannot be counted out, and he has a few other players like Waller and Diontae Johnson that can ball out any given week. It will be a fight for Schmaus in the playoffs but one that he seems more than equipped to handle.

MVP: Hard decision, but I'm gonna go with Tyler Lockett

LVP: Dk Metcalf (We know who Russ loves cooking for)

7. The Leftover's IR (7-7)

So close for Donny, who looked like he was going to make the playoffs after a got start. But injuries hurt him as the season went on, and coupled with his weak receiver core, he couldn't make it to the show. WR's are something Donny needs to focus on in next years draft, as even having some of the best running backs might not be enough if they're going to get injured as much as they have been in the covid seasons.

MVP: Joe Mixon

LVP: Logan Thomas

8. Brother Decotis Lives (7-7)

Tuna had a decent draft, but his lack of actual running backs hurt him from day 1. Don't get me wrong, losing CMC is a massive problem for anyone, but his RB2 being Kareem Hunt should show that he brought a knife to a gunfight. And although everyone and their mother was trying to fuck Tuna over in a trade for AJ Brown, he should've been more amenable to trading him for pieces that could've helped him down the road. Hopefully the injury big won't hit him next year, but if it does, he needs to be more proactive about filling holes in his roster. 

MVP: Either of the Charger's receivers

LVP: Christian McAffrey

9. Robby Anderson WR1 (4-10)

I'll agree with Payne, his team should've been better. But he could not deal with being scored on so much, seeming like games he should have won down the wire never working in his favor. Payne could have been a stunner, but alot of his players were not available week-in week-out and the fill-ins he had never seemed to do the job for him. Don't really have any advice for Payne next season, just try and figure out who will be injury prone I guess?

MVP: Cordarelle Patterson

LVP: TJ Hockenson

10. Fuck You Cammarn (3-11)

No back-to-back championships for yung Kam. Based on my terrible draft picks (in hindsight), I was playing catch-up the entire season. Gus Edwards going down before the season started was a real shot to the dick for me, but an even worse decision was selecting a TE in the first round. Kelce is a beast but has not been consistent, so trading him to make my team better should've been a smart idea. Unfortunately Saquon got injured immediately and Kyle Pitts has been dogshit. Lesson for me? Don't draft a TE in the fist round, cause my entire team suffered in the long run.

MVP: Jaylen Waddle

LVP: Kyle Pitts

11. Non-Fungible Team (3-11)

Robby tried to stack his team with RB's at draft day, which should have been a rock-solid startegy the way they have been going down injured. His top wideout pick of Calvin Ridley fucking quit football and it seemed like the rest of his team was struggling to pick up steam other than Scary Terry. Yes, random and shitty for Rob, but the rest of his pickups over the season did little to alleviate the lack of scoring he was faced with. Luck was not on Rob's side this year, so the only advice I have for him is to really hone in on his depth at draft day.

MVP: Terry McLaurin

LVP:Calvin Ridley

12. Dawson's Zeke (0-14)

And we have our first completely losing season in our league. Ira's team never looked competitive, like I've mentioned many times, this is a dynamite team from the days of old. He made some questionable draft choices waiting to take a QB and solid WR's until late in the draft, and his waiver-wire performance needs to improve if he wants a shot next season. Also his defensive streamers consistently blew up in his face. Advice to Ira is 1. draft better. But more importantly he needs to stop overthinking his plug and plays, with the way our defenses are scored ended up biting him the ass week after week. 

MVP: Adam Thielen

LVP: Zeke or Baker, who was his starting QB for a bit

Parting Words.....

Another beautiful season boys, I might be doing small writeups after each week of the playoffs, but this will be the last full one. Enjoy every season more than the last, and next year we will do a toilet bowl so we all have something to play for at the end and you guys can bitch at me to do write ups till the end of season. Playoffs are gonna be spicy and I hope one of you can reach the heights that only me and Martin have experienced so far. Or maybe the Fupa party being #1 in the rankings is a sign and he'll stomp everyone on his way to his second shot at glory. Excited to see what happens and as always boys, fuck you all, but mostly Fuck You Cammarn (Vol.2).

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