23/24 Week 2 Recap
Week 2 Recap
Welcome to the 23/24 NFL season, where the (fantasy) rules are made up and the points don't matter! I lost to Meg this week on Thursday, fucking kill me. But from Kirk Cousins looking like a reanimated Joe Montana to Nick Chubbs death, we can tell that everyone lied to us about who was gonna be good this season. The injury bug is already grumbling around and some of the best players look like dogshit from week to week. I know that we're all exited about football reappearing and consistency takes a minute to conjure but cmon. Some of the teams that looked good on paper are low on the standings and the Hotdawg King breached 150 already. I'm starting to think that the fantasy gods are subscribed to my write-ups cause I'm cursed, but it's still early in the season. Every person has a chance to dominate still and I'm excited to see how the fantasy gods choose to cuck me this week. We mozy.
Losers Bracket Champ (187.76) v Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (80.38)
Well this fucking sucked. D'Andre Swift definitely reads the writeups cause he turned .8 points to 26.6 from week 1 to 2. But the rest of his team had a monster game too, with every single person getting double digits. A landslide victory considering my highest scorer was broken ass Burrow. Who only scored points cause Tee Higgins was rocking (who Meg also had). He likes to say he's back but I'd say Hotdawg Boi has finally arrived. In style might I add.
Agains't all odds, Brian Kelly is enjoying his time at the Fupa party. Will Marty play a sub-100 point team for a third week in a row to keep the greasy shindig going? Remains to be seen. But shittalk aside Marty stands high in the standings, winning both his dumpster fire matchups so far. Richardson looks like a league winner if he can protect himself and Devonta smith is the only person doing anything on the eagles. Once Kelce is 100% this team could be scary if his rb's improve. Trevor on the other hand is feeling the Jamaar Chase curse, as he forgot how to set a lineup. While his team definitely needs to show improvement, benching Puka Nacua after his usage week 1 is the decision that eventually smothered him in Martin's Fupa.
Losing Season, Drinking Reason (111.2) v OceanGate's Deepwater Gaurdians (77.46)
Jackson still hasn't figured out how to spell Guardians. He apparently also hasn't figured out how to use the waivers right, praying for touchdown dependent Tank Bigsby to shoulder his RB2 role. That decision itself didn't sink him to the deepest of water, the rest of his position players leaving alot to be desired this week. Gordo on the other hand had good games from Herbert and Quad-Zilla to go with consistent double digits from the rest of his position players. The Saquon injury might sting but for this week at least Gordo stays undefeated.
Brother Decotis Lives (116.52) v 3 Kids 1 Nut (108.44)
Closer game than I would've thought, Tuna got great numbers from most of his position players. And who can forget the 1 yard line push that keeps Jalen among the most relevent quarterbacks even with his mediocre passing numbers this year. One's best player going down is always horrible to start the season, but when you are 0-2? Might spell total disaster for Ringo. He had Keenan Allen and James Conner pop off this week, but the Card's RB1 is not gonna be playing the shitty Giants every week. He might need to play the aggressive defense and kicker game to have a shot of making the playoffs this year.
Non-Fungible Team (99.44) v Dawson's Zeke (77.9)
Kyle Pitts is dogshit but Robby can't quit his addiction. But at least it's parlayed in a slight addiction to the Falcons, cause Bijan looks like the real deal. Combo that with great weeks from his receivers and kicker (also a Falcon), Rob was able to overcome the mediocre play of the rest of his team. Ira needs some consistency to show for his team, and fast. JJeff is the stud he always is but the rest of his team has looked very boom or bust so far this season. The return of Christian Watson should help his team but at 0-2 and his roster of running backs, he might need to make some moves sooner or later to salvage his season.
2019 All-Pros (121.9) v The CrabRace Tragedy of 2023 (119.38)
I guess its 2019 again. Powerful performances from his 2019ers and Rachaad White put Schmaus in a position to win the matchup on Monday night with Michael Thomas. And looking at his bench he might be the team to beat coming out of week 2. Camm had some good players show up this week, with great perforamnces from Lamar, James Cook, and the Dallas defense. But he has no running backs and now the Cowboys play actual teams (sorry G-men). He had some good showings this week but looking at his team, it's natural to wonder where the consistency is going to pop up. I don't think Garret Wilson will get a long tuddy every week with Baby Boy Zach trying to put enough power in the ball to not throw ducks every pass.
Power Rankings
Like I said last week, the first couple of writeups are going to have ALOT of movement up and down as we figure out who the real studs of the season are. So fuck yall come at me with Qualms about your shitty teams. I'm in a state of writers block so every team gets a poem to sum up their rank and season so far. We were in a literary frat after all.
1. 2019 All-Pros (Schmaus)- 2-0
Old man river scores again
Schmaus is leading the pack
Wait, what the fuck is that?
Oh no its week 4, Jonathan Taylor's back
2. Losing Season, Drinking Reason (Gordo)- 2-0
He has no wideouts but it doesn't matter
Gordo hasn't lost
Projections dont mean shit, he still wins
But at what cost? (saquon)
3. Brother Decotis Lives (Tune)- 1-1
Don't know what to think, but Tuna's Third
The best of the I don't know teams
He has a scary roster for the most part
But if the Raiders suck, we'll all hear his screams
4. OceanGate's Deepwater Gaurdians (Jackson)- 1-1
He has a decent team
And Jackson still can't spell
But if his wideouts suck and Ekeler stays injured
Jackson will feel like he woke up in hell
5. Loser's Bracket Champ (Megan)- 1-1
Holy fucking shit he's here!
Breaking into the top half for the first time
Team looked good week 2 and if they stay consistent
Every week will look like a crime (assault)
6. Non-Fungible Team (Rob)- 1-1
He loves the Falcons
And his team looks good sans Pitts
Hopefully Bijan continues to carry
Because Kyle he just can't quit
7. Brian Kelly's Fupa (Marty)- 2-0
Maybe he'll play teams with more than 100 points in a week
And maybe his scoring potential is just tardy
But Marty's still undefeated
Anthony Richardson has arrived at the Fupa Party
8. The CrabRace Tragedy of 2023 (Camm)- 1-1
You can't always depend on the Dallas D
You need Running Backs and a Tight End
Stop adding and dropping Kincaid every week
(Yoda Voice) Or trade requests you must send
9. Fuck You Cammarn (Mesh)- 1-1
I got my dick handed to me by swift and the vikings
I can still feel the rain pouring
My team doesn't look bad on paper
But they're all allergic to scoring (TUDDYS)
10. Martin's Sweat Box (Trebby)- 0-2
Team isn't performing to standards
Shoutout to Jamaar Chase
Puka needs to keep balling out
Or Trev's gonna get another dick to the face
11. Dawson's Zeke (Ira)- 0-2
What happened to Ira's fantasy prowess?
Boat seems to have sprung a leak
Can anyone besides Jefferson score consistently?
Or will this be another sad season of Dawson's Zeke?
12. 3 Kids 1 Nut (Payton)- 0-2
Team looks washed
Haven't heard Ringo's normal amount of sass
Can he recover from Chubb's injury?
Or will he just get fucked in the (B)ass?
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