23/24 Week 3 Recap
23/24 Week 3 Recap
What did I say last week? The parity in the league is very fun for the start of the season. Our worst team looks better than their record shows while the only undefeated team looks entirely beatable. This seemed like the week where pre-draft all-stars finally showing their mettle, but even then, the Miami game shows us how unpredictable fantasy football can be (Mostert with his highest point total ever and Achane finally becoming a name on everyone's lips). But as the dust of the first couple of weeks clears, every team has a good sense of what needs to be done to keep their playoff hopes alive. Strap in folks, the next couple of weeks are gonna be a hell of a ride for some teams.
Week 3 Matchups
Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (132.7) v Brian Kelly's Fupa (115.36)
Richardson couldn't make it to the Fupa Party this week so Marty had to go with a Dallas stack. It clearly didn't work out for him, as the defense was too tired to score for their offense this week (and RIP Trevone Diggs). Big days from Moss and Mike Williams (also RIP) couldn't muster him to a victory. It's nice to know that I don't have to depend exclusively on Tyreek (even though I am lost without him) with big days from my Cleveland defense of the week, CJ Stroud, and AJ Brown (fucking finally) on Monday night carrying me over the finish line.
OceanGate's Deepwater Gaurdians (124.96) v Loser's Bracket Champ (89.18)
Another dud decision from Jackson concerning running backs this week, but it didn't matter as consistency was the key for Jackson. Huge (almost 30) days from Tua and Ken Walker were compounded with double-digit days from most of the rest of his team, which should be the bare minimum. But welcome to fantasy football, especially you Meg. He decided to actually field a decent team this year but weekly stinkers happen still. Consistency is the key here, as he's gonna meed more than 3 targets a game for Gabe Davis and the Titans to not be utter dogshit to keep putting up high numbers like he did last week. And yes, Jackson keeping his name spelled wrong IS making me angry, fantastic.
Brother Decotis Lives (175.28) v Martin's Sweat Box (162.52)
Holy fucking shit, this might be the highest scoring matchup of all time but don't quote me on that. Poor Trev. his lowest scorer had 9.7 points which would make anyone ecstatic, but throw in the savvy AF pick of the Bills D this week should carry someone to victory. But sorry Trev, Tune had some absolute barn burners this week. 41.7 from Mostert, Adams with 36.7. I had said before that Tune better pray for the Raiders to be good but apparently it doesn't matter if Adams is the only person who can catch a ball in Oakland. With the way the Dolphins are running the ball, if Jalen can clean up his play, Tune is gonna be scary.
Losing Season, Drinking Reason (93.9) v Non-Fungible Team (86.46)
Fantasy gods loving on Gordo rn. Herbert went absolutely crazy, scoring him 31 points, but the rest of his team don't like home-run hitters. Hell neither does Herbie. And Gordo's defense got negative. But yet again, he faces a team having a bad week. And when your defense is your highest scorer with less than 20, you better know it was a bad week. Rob is always gonna get a good game out of the sun-god, but Bijan scoring less than 10 this week shows that even a freak athlete like him has fantasy vulnerabilities. And that vulnerability is the same as Rob's team, the fact that they both have so much invested in the Dirty Bird's shitty offense. Oh but Kyle Pitts had his highest score of the season with 6.2.
3 Kids 1 Nut (121.16) v 2019 All-Pros (115.58)
Kind of want to rank Payton last cause he asked, but I'll play nice cause that's my job. He got a solid win this week that came down to Monday night, with the Bucs not doing well enough of offense to give Schmaus the few points he needed at the end (Evans even caught a Tuddy to keep it close). Solid games from his other stars (Mahomes, McCaffrey, and Cooper all with 20) and a good game from his NE defense could have garnered him a win against most other teams this week. But alas, Keenan Allen turned back the clock this week with one of the best games I have ever seen out of him. Solid showings from his kicker, James Conner and the Purdy boy (who I'm still not sure is actually good or not) got him the win this week, even if he had to sweat while checking his phone at the Bucs game.
Dawson's Zeke (118.46) v The CrabRace Tragedy of 2023 (89.18)
In the surprise of the week, Justin Jefferson didn't have to do everything for Ira. Fucking Matt Gay with almost 30 points finally delivered Ira his first win. He also had solid showings from Deshaun Watson and Ettienne to make up for the rest of his lackluster team. But credit where its due, his team is finally showing signs of life. Not only does Camm miss Kelce and is scrambling at TE adding and dropping Dalton Kincaid every week, but his best player was nowhere to be seen this week. Yes I'm talking about the Dallas Defense, with a hot stinky poopoo -1 on the board. Camm has shown that he can play kicker matchups, Lamar went back to normal Lamar this week, and Diggs will always score points. But the real tragedy for the perennial playoff attendee is his team this year. Hopefully Aaron Jones can score 20 a game for him the rest of the season.
Power Rankings
This week were looking at the biggest storyline for each team so far this season:
1. Brother Decotis Lives (Tune), 2-1
It's not just the Raiders!:
I've been harping all season about how this team lived and died by the Raiders, and Davante being the only actual receiver there so I'm not wrong yet. But shit Jalen hurts is always gonna get those 1 yard rushing tuddys and Mostert is gonna be scoring a hell of alot of points in this Dolphins offense. The scoring potential is gonna be nuts.
2. Losing Season, Drinking Reason (Gordo), 3-0
That easy early schedule:
Gordo might be the only undefeated team left, but that doesn't mean he's doing it powerfully or even with style. He's averaging about 106 per game, which isn't what you'd expect out of a team this high in the standings. It might just be early season luck, but time will tell if his team is capable of pulling out tight victories of if everyone is just going to be cursed against him.
3. 2019 All-Pros (Schmaus), 2-1
Does Johnathan Taylor's comeback make this team one of the scariest?:
This team might look old but they keep finding ways to score points. Mahomes and McCaffrey are always going to be studs, but the reemergence of Michal Thomas and Mike Evan's continued consistency keep this team above 100 point water by themselves for the most part. But Taylor is coming back week 5(?) and could be the last dynamic piece Schmaus needs on the way to the playoffs.
4. OceanGate's Deepwater Gaurdians (Jackson), 2-1
Who is the one that knocks?:
Jackson usually seems to get double-digit scorers out of most of his team, but the consistency as to who does it isn't quite there. Other than Tua, the Tuddy's can come from anywhere, and jackson has showed us the past two weeks with his RB2 that he makes questionable lineup decisions. Can he make the right decision to maintain the team's momentum? When Austin Ekeler returns is going to be when we finally get an answer.
5. Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (Kamesh), 2-1
The end zone is lava unless you're a cheetah:
I was right and wrong when I said my team lives and dies with Tyreek Hill. The rest of my team has shown that they are capable of putting up decent enough fantasy numbers to win if I'm not getting lapped. But they also showed that they are scared of scoring touchdowns. If my players other than Tyreek can't find the end zone at a decent clip, I have to pray for huge games from Cheetah.
6. Losers Bracket Champ (Meg), 1-2
We Can Be Heroes (An original song by Kirk Cousins):
Yes, Meg had huge points from everyone last week. But everyone fell back to earth this week except for Kirk Thuggins (who's probably into his cousins). There's something wrong with Tee Higgins, Gabe Davis is useless unless he scores a tuddy on his only catch and Hockensen takes every other week off from the end zone. He has the names on his team but can they put up the numbers weekly to propel him to the playoffs?
7. Brian Kelly's Fupa (Marty), 2-1
Can the early season Fupa Party fun continue?:
Good news, Marty finally hit his highest point-total of the season. Bad news, his opponent finally scored more than 100 points. More bad news, Zack Moss is probably only viable for another week and Mike Williams is out for the season most likely. He might have started hot win-wise, but his team looks like a slowly-rotting fruit. Can Richardson and Kelce pull out wins all by themselves? If not, it's just gonna be Marty and Brian Kelly again.
8. 3 Kids, 1 Nut (Ringo), 1-2
Keenan Allen was the prodigal son all along:
He was so mad at his ranking last week that he put a hotdog curse on the Bucs offense last night. But the main story is the Chargers passing attack and Keenan Allen looking like the real deal. With all of the injuries to that offense, Allen is feasting. It remain to be seen if the old men can keep it up, but Conner has looked better than expected in the Cardinals offense and Cooper Kupp should be back before the season is over. There's a path to the playoffs but the streets have to be paved with Keenan Allen points.
9. Dawson's Zeke (Ira), 1-2
Help (where is it?):
JJeff is looking like an ideal #1 overall pick this year, but he absolutely needs some help from the rest of Ira's roster to sustain a playoff push. Yes he got 29 points from his kicker this week for a win, but other than Etienne, none of his players look like guaranteed starts every week. Either Christian Watson needs to return to be the greatest WR ever or Ira needs to make some trades, but somethings got to give. Just like in real life, Jefferson is not happy with his teams record.
10. The CrabRace Tragedy of 2023 (Camm), 1-2
Dallas' defense can't hold him at night like Kelce could:
It's kind of funny how relient Camm's teams have been on top -5 TE's in the past, he's been scrambling trying to find a new starter in this position all year. But what also doesnt help is your best player being a defense. Don't get me wrong, we're in a league where D/ST and kickers are very important, but the consistency week to week can't be counted on. Even his bench players look like caca. He needs Aaron Jones back in the worst way but it still might not be enough for him to crawl into the playoff race.
11. Non-Fungible Team (Robby), 1-2
He took the midnight train to Georgia:
Let me preface this by saying I really wanted to swap our last two teams in the power rankings, but this is the good-will Rob bought by winning the chip last year. He has close to the least points scored and also the least points against but is still only 1-2. Being this reliant on a team whos offense isn't really that good might spell disaster for Rob, but we wont really know until his matchups can get over 110 points for either team.
12. Martins Sweat Box (Trevor), 0-3
Dumpster Diving:
He put up over 160 points and still lost, a fantasy dickdawg if i've ever seen one. Jamaar is back and he got a good number of tuddys from his team (and the Bills D got. 43!). He does have a path to the playoffs still, but it can't feel good to be the only team without a win. But can't be sure his team can put up touchdowns that consistently every week. At this point he needs to pray for a bad week by his opponent, because I cannot see this team consistently scoring like this every week.
Keep all players in your thoughts and prayers, the injury bug is spreading like Big Rona and every team is starting to look like they're tanking for Caleb. So fucking pray. Power rankings are starting to solidify themselves as teams start to get a sense of what they need to do to continue or save their seasons. But remember the fantasy gods are always watching, I've had many years in this league with a hot start and a bitter end so nobody go counting their chickens just yet. Fuck you all and as always, Fuck You Cammarn (Vol.2).
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