23/24 Week 4 Recap
My entire team is up for trade if one of you can play o-line for the Giants, seriously. PLEASE. So quickly noting that there are no undefeated left in the league, everybody might still have a chance to catch the teams at the top (except for maybe Trev). Now lets get to the gripes from the grease twins (Meg n Ringo). There literally are never trades made in the league cause we all apparently hate seeing each other succeed more than we would like to succeed ourselves in fantasy football. Which is funny and annoying in equal measure. I told him the same thing I'll tell y'all, much like in real life, if he wanted to welch or got a better offer, I had no problem cancelling the trade. Instead we just had the grease boys bitching about collusion instead of trying to send a better offer, the least surprising the world. Let's work with each other and love each other instead of sword-fighting on the waivers every week. Lets dive into the weekly matchups...
Week 4 Matchups
Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (133.04) v OceanGate's Deepwater Gaurdians (66.14)
Was too hungover to set my lineup post trade but it didn't matter that my star receivers weren't all playing. Not only did The Full Monty get me 35 on Thursday, but Fuck You Cammarn new boy Stefon Diggs got me a nice 35 as well to go with CJ Strouds 23. Not much to talk about with Jackson's team, with his highest scorer being Jordan Love on an abysmal Thursday night performance. But hey this is fantasy football, so an entire second half of garbage time helped his qb. Walker and Ridley got tuddies, not much else to even talk about from the Gaurdians.
Brain Kelly's Fupa (123.9) v Brother Decotis Lives (99.66)
Holy shit defenses win championships. Tuna got admirable performances from tush-push Jalen, Josh Jacobs, and Pacheco, but it wasn't enough to stave off Marty and the Seahawks defense this week. Richardson had close to 30, which helped a couple of solid performances from his ball-catchers and Zack Moss. But holy fucking shit Marty's defense. 11 men running after Daniel Jones like he was the only single woman at the frat house on any given Thursday. The projection meter swinging faster than Meg's balls on any given grumblesnatching adventure through Heritage. What a comeback.
Non-Fungible Team (124.68) v Losers Bracket Champ (106.14)
So Rob's got some studs to support the Atlanta stack, okay okay. Nico Collins and Devon Achane are showing the lague who they are, and 34 and 26 point performances respectively were able to lead a team with a plethora of solid performances (not Kyle Pitts). Megatron has finally learned how to put up more than 100 points, but needs more consistency from his team. Gabe Davis, Hockensen, and Tee Higgins can disappear on any given week, and this is was a week that the ones he started put up sub- 5 points. Welcome to fantasy football, where game-scripts and whims of the gods decide your future.
2019 All-Pros (133.12) v Martins Sweat Box (122.3)
Starting to feel bad for Trev because of how much he is getting scored on. But his lack of touchdowns isn't helping either. Josh Allen will always be Josh Allen, but everyone needs help. While Puka showed out with 28 to support Allens 37, unfortunately he was going up against high-scoring Schmaus. Good god McCaffrey (I spell his name out billions times but still struggling with that one) is looking like a league MVP, with 46 points to catapult Schmaus to victory this week. He had more than a few stinkers on his team this week but good performances from Cole Kmet and Brandon McManus carrying him over the line.
The Trade**** Tragedy of 2023 (118.84) v Losing Season Drinking Reason (96.48)
Camm please change your name I'm not typing that out week to week. But regardless of how anyone feels about the tragedy of the season, Camm did what he said he was gonna do , he exposed Gordo to topple the only undefeated team left. Stinkers by his Green Bay bois were supplanted by wild performances from Lamar and (as always) the Dallas D. And he got close to double digits with the rest of his boys to help wipe the seat off of his brow. Gordo had Herbie and Jake Elliott leading the way with 22+ points each, but the rest of his team isn't much to write about. With Herbie's bye week incoming, are we close to seeing the fall of Gordo? (Hopefully not, praying for a Saquon bounceback myself :( )
3 Kids 1 Nut (119.02) v Dawson's Zeke (96.52)
A negative performance from the Steelers defense didn't throw a wrench in Payton's plans in the slightest this week. Payton got 15+ from 5 of his players this week, getting him close to 120 on the week. Think he might have the triplets setting his lineup these days. JJeff led the way for Ira as he will every week, and he also got 19 from his home-town Bucs defense this week. But there isn't enough star power propelling this team outside of Jefferson, and it's biting Ira in the ass. But there is hope on his bench with Watson and Godwin.
POWER RANKINGS
This week we're looking at the piece of shit weighing every team down.
1. 2019 All-Pros (Schmaus), 3-1
Jonathan Taylor: Okay Schmaus probably knew what he was getting into, but still, Rachaad White and Dalvin Cook don't look like able replacements. But he has McCaffrey who scores for 3 players every week so it probably doesn't matter.
2. Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (Kamesh), 3-1
Joe Burrow: Joe Scheisty has been a big stinker all year because he won't sit to rest himself, but I've been able to find an able replacement in a rookie. Stroud is proving the doubters wrong and keeping my team afloat at the QB position.
3. Losing Season, Drinking Reason (Gordon), 3-1
Darren Waller: This has to do more with how bad the fucking Giants are but still, he has been woefully underwhelming. EVen with our tackles blocking Waller instead of opposing rushers, Danny DImes not being able to find such a huge target is a real concern.
4. Brian Kelly's FUPA (Martin), 3-1
Breece Hall: Like above, this one has alot to do with the state of the team moreso the player. But after the flashes that Breece showed last year, Marty has to hope that the home run hitter can find more open lanes.
5. Brother Decotis Lives (Dan), 2-2
Cam Akers: For as many times as he was benched outirhgt in LA, I feel like Cam Akers kept showing his relevance for them in flashes. A change of scenery might help him, but it feels like he is overdrafted every year on hype that has yet to deliver.
6. 3 Kids, 1 Nut (Payton), 2-2
Ty Lockett: He had a great game week 2, but Lockett hasn't found the pockets (heh) of space this season like he used to. Still time for him to show his worth, but too boom or bust right now to justify his draft value.
7. The (Insert something involving Camm) Tragedy of 2023, 2-2
Garrett Wilson: He hasn't had bad numbers this year at all, the volume is definitely there. But can you imagine how good he would be if he had Rodgers throwing to him? Granted Zach Wilson could build on the promise he showed on Sunday night, but all I can think of is what could have been.
8. Non-Fungible Team (Rob), 2-2
Trevor Lawrence: Would've been too easy to put Kyle Pitts here, and Trebby LawLaw's receivers let him down with dropped catches in the end zone. But man I wish he was this dogshit when he was at Clemson.
9. OceanGate's Deepwater Gaurdians (Jackson), 2-2
George Kittle: His shittiness has kinda flown under the radar with the Niners rolling, but he only has one week where he scored above 5 points. For a tight end that went well before his ADP, that's really fucking bad.
10. Losers Bracket Champ (Meg), 1-3
Jaylen Waddle: With how good the Miami offense has been, it's crazy to see the perforamnces that Waddle has put up. He has not been good, with many rostering him as a WR1. I feel like Tua has to start using him more, but I've been wrong before.
11. Dawson's Zeke (Ira), 1-3
Najee Harris: He has never looked comfortable in the NFL, but after the Steelers upgraded their line, would could assume he would finally stop disappointing. Jk, he's worse than ever and the Steelers are dogshit.
12. Martins Sweat Box (Trevor), 0-4
Miles Sanders: He was signed to be THE guy and now the Panther's rushing attack looks anemic. For being drafted as a RB2 for most teams, he looks borderline sittable week to week these days.
We got a dumpster bowl this week folks! Both of the bottom of the barrel teams face off and I'll have lines for whoever wants to make sidbets. Drumroll please................................................................................ O/U 217.5 and Sweat Box -8.5. Im just throwing those out as a starting point for funsies, feel free to gamble amongst yourselves. The men are starting to separate themselves from the boys and there's a whole gaggle of teams just trying to avoid hotdogs. But anything can happen, there's a long way to go so lets keep the goodwill up until we're all either toxic or miserable heading into the playoffs like every year. Fuck you all and as always, Fuck You Cammarn (Vol.2).
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