24/25 Week 1 Recap
24/25 Week 1 Recap
From most receivers not doing shit, to people dying already, to Daniel Jones being a tire-fire as always, week 1 was the same as usual. Football is officially back and I am officially depressed. We welcome a new member to the league in John Alexander Chambliss Shubert IV, colloquially known as Donby the house elf. Kudos to the boy for attempting the challenge and thank you to everyone who made it out to Chicago, was a fun ass weekend and the egg hunt was much more fun than anticipated. Someone smack Gordons beer next year. But here we are once again, the beginning of the most fun and anger inducing hobby a washed-up 30+ year old can participate in. We've had a new winner every year (I blame Diggs for fucking up in the Championship last year smh) so it's anyones game. A loss week 1 doesnt necessarily spell doom (unless you trade away Tyreek) and I'm excited to see who the big dogs are this year. Welcome back boys, I cant wait to rip out my mustache hairs this season. We mozy bb....
Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (149.02) v Dr. Omalu's Future Patients (138.02)
Barn burner of the week was a rematch of last years championship game, with the opposite result this time. Jackson got out to a hot lead with Saquon and AJ Brown and had Tua and Rhamondre giving him enough points to win against anyone else in the league. But my team was at least for the most part, which is better than most (see Dobby), and I was able to ride big games from Lamar, the Saints D and FUCKING JAKE MOODY to victory.
Trevor's Little Infirmary (128.88) v Brother Decotis Lives (79.16)
Just pointing out that Trevor had to change his name after just week 1, the injury bug is already hitting. Thankfully he was able to get a win with barely any competition, riding on the back of Josh Allen, Jaydeen Reed, and Dicker the kicker to victory. Tuna's team on the other hand was pretty bad this week, espn adp did him no favors. Also doing him no favors are most of his team with just Breece, his kicker, and his D even hitting double digits.
Tyreek and his 10 Children (129.7) v 2019 All-Pros (124.26)
Man we were laughing when Schmuas stuck to his team name but they might be sneaky good as the season wanes. He didn't pull off a win, but had some good scorers with Mixon and the Bucs receivers. This team will get points, Schmaus just has to get lucky. Not this week though, as Meg had a solid showing from his entire team and was able to ride the Cowboys D and Tyreek into a jail cell.
If You Aint First, You're Last (113.18) v Dobbin on yo bchazz (97.82)
Why does Martin insist on not only making his team names sexual innuendos, but horrible and not funny ones at that? Though he doesnt deserve the loss just for that. You can also blame his team, with how many touchdowns his skill players had, its a little weird to not see a single person on his team hit 20. Rob definitely had some duds on his team, but had enough players go apeshit that he was able to take the win handily.
Losing Season, Drinking Reason (104.88) v Naughty Shawty's Pt II (86.02)
First off, I dont think Camm is allowed to add the two monicker to his name cause he never won a championship with that name previously. Apparently the fantasy gods agree cause why else would Kelce be such shit. His team is not bad on paper, but they put up close to a whimper on the field this week sans David Montgomery and Cairo Santos. Gordo meanwhile had solid outings from most of his squad, he didn't even need to switch McCaffrey out to claim victory.
3 Kids 1 Nut (101.38) v Thomas the Towdler Dowdler (57.74)
Welcome to the league Dobby! You fucking suck. Not only did he trade r*** himself, his team is chock full of players drafted over their adp if those are is starters. A few players in double digits cannot make up for the rest of the team not even being able to put up 5 points. Payton did fine, although taking advantage of the matchup. He had a few players play like Dobby's entire team but had enough solid showings to take a win he already had in the bag.
Power Rangers Rankings
After the talk of tiers in the chat, I decided to use that as our basis for week 1 rankings
Tier 1: The Glory
1. Fuck You Cammarn Vol. 2 (Mesh) (1-0) - Team looks hot, but my tight end just died so we'll see what happens.
2. Tyreek and his 10 Children (Megan) (1-0) - Team looks hot, but his quarterback just died so we'll see what happens.
3. Dr. Omalu's Future Patients (Snackson) (0-1) - A loss doesnt take Jackson out of the race, with his teams scoring potential the playoffs is the limit.
Tier 2: Yes we can?
4. If You Ain't First You're Last (Rob) (1-0) - Led by great quarterbacks and what looks like the Kupp renaissance, the rest of this team is just boom or bust enough to make the playoffs.
5. 3 Kids 1 Nut (PayPay) - (1-0) The trade troll has rookies and KC players keeping his lineup afloat, and a nice bench of averages to lowball you with.
Tier 3: The Fire
6. Trevor's Little Infirmary (Trevor?) - (1-0) He has Josh Allen but his wideouts are dead so if his other wideouts pop off every single week he'll be ok.
7. 2019 All-Pros (Schmaus) - (0-1) Defined by the Bucs game-script and running backs you thought were washed. Mixon and Taylor laugh in your face. Its 2019 again bb.
8. Losing Season, Drinking Reason (Gordo) (1-0) - McCaffrey's injury wasnt a back breaker week 1 but might be if it lingers. Ferguson might be dead too so that doesn't help an otherwise solid team.
9. Dobbin on yo bchazz (Marty) - (0-1) - On paper team is definitely decent, but if they cant win when they score touchdowns, what happens when they don't?
Tier 4: The Dumpster
10. Naughty Shawties Pt II (Camm) (0-1) - You start a qb that paints his fingernails, you go in the hole.
11. Brother Decotis Lives (Tuna) (0-1) - Team can bounce back but week 1 was rough.
12. Thomas the Towdler Dowdler (Jac) (0-1) - Don't trade your best player.
NFL being back couldnt be more of a blessing with how shit the noles have been. You know how the rankings go, its early and anyone can make it to the top spot. Except for Dobby probably. Torqued for another season with the boys. We're back, long live the hotdog king, fuck you all, and, as always, Fuck You Cammarn (Vol.2).
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