24/25 Week 5 Recap
24/25 Week 5 Recap
Hi, Hello, Howdy. 5 weeks of writeups in a row might be a new record. But this week I want to talk about one of the most important aspects of fantasy football, luck. You either have it or you don't, and it chooses to rear its head at random times. Look at me for example, the luck has been running my way so far, which scares me because it runs out eventually. And on the flip side of the coin, luck has completely fucked me in another league where I sit 0-5. I guess the main point I'm trying to get at is that luck is fickle. Its choosing me over dobby right now but who knows what the standings will look like in even a couple of weeks. I might not be at the apex at that point but we can at least take solace in the fact that Jac will still likely be last. Cause whether or not you have good luck in any given week, the bad luck can hit whenever a qb takes a late hit. Pain is the name of the game, we're just all playing to see who comes out the least bloody at the end of the season. Idk what the point of any of this rant was. We mozy....
Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (110.82) v 3 Kids, 1 Nut (90.2)
I'm a jynx, this matchup of the week wasn't horny like I thought it would be. But regardless, QB1 Kamesh Lamar Jackson threw to Zay Flowers enough to get me the dub. Baker Mayfield and the Denver defense couldn't carry Payton's whole team on their backs, bad week to not have the sun-god.
Jeudy and the Jets (138.74) v Naughty Shawties: Revenge Tour (126.66)
Remember that rant on luck? Camm should've been more humble, because luck is decided by the fantasy gods. In one of the barn-burners of the week, Trevor got solid showings from his whole team sans Zack Moss and 20+ from some of his receivers to take the dub. Jamaar Chase couldn't do it all as some doo doo butter from a backup GB RB and George Pickens stifled Camm's comeback.
Brother Decotis Lives (124.18) v Dr. Omalu's Future Patients (85.86)
Not a fantastic performance from a team standpoint, but Joe Burrow and Brock Bowers seems like it was enough to take out Jackson this week. Rhamondre as your highest scorer is not the place anyone wants to be. Ironically, Jackson also had a terrible time this week with the Eagles on bye. At least Tune's Birds gave him a gift while taking the week off.
Tyreek and his 10 Children (135.44) v Dobbin on yo bchazz (131.94)
Harrison Butker on MNF for the win. In the highest scoring matchup of the week (I think, too lazy to do the math on that one) Meg pulled it out with double digits from most everyone on his squad, a real team effort getting him across the line. Marty should feel let down, as his whole team showed up except for Deebo Samuel with a whopping 2.5. 49ers are washed, Chiefs are eternal, get used to it.
Stairway to Evans (113.14) v Bryce Young's Hotdog Stand (98.84)
Good new, Dobby covered the spread. Bad news, he is another week closer to hotdogs. A good game from exaclty one of his players (Drake London) gave him some hope until Sunday morning rolled around. Mike Evans will never not be good and DJ Moore has a connection with his rookie now. The toilet bowl has spoken.
If You Ain't First, You're Last (121.8) v Losing Season, Drinking Reason (99.68)
Decent matchups with some stinkers on either side but the main storyline being that two or Gordon's best players went down. Bad luck. At least Nico Collins got at tuddy before limping off, unlike Achane. Robby had hot games from Garret Wilson and Kyler Murray, and Gordo is left to wonder what his team could've been if not for injuries around the league.
Power Rankings
This week I have a one word review for each team (with one notable exception).
1. Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (Mesh, 5-0)
Idling- Still sitting pretty up top, but am susceptible to a loss if anyone hits 120+.
2. 3 Kids, 1 Nut (Payton, 4-1)
Unfazed- Might have taken his first loss but has a good enough team to make up for it as long as he stops starting Xavier Leggette.
3. Dobbin on Yo Bchazz (Marty, 3-2)
Surviving- Good team but just took a hard loss and has his two best players on bye. Big hopes that he gets lucky with a stinker from his opponent this week.
4. Tyreek and his 10 Children (Meg, 3-2)
Grumbling- Grumbling, bimbling, stumbling to a winning record. Who need Tyreek?
5. Jeudy and the Jets (Trevor, 3-2)
Wading- Has his head above water even with his injuries, but has two legitimate tight ends so can make his team better with a little tradey trade.
6. If You Aint First, Youre Last (Robby, 3-2)
Scraping- An easier first slate of his schedule has him looking playoffs, but unsure if his team can sustain their scoring.
7. Naughty Shawties, Revenge Tour (2-3)
Not Back- Camm got too horny and got punished by the gods who also hate George Pickens.
8. Losing Season, Drinking Reason (Gordo, 2-3)
Graveyard- Everyones dead and that 2-0 start is looking like an anomaly.
9. Brother Decotis Lives (Tune, 2-3)
Fighting- Not getting many wins, but getting the important ones against the rest in the bottom of the barrel. Shouldn't be worrying about hotdogs at all.
10. Stairway to Evans (Schmaus, 1-4)
Safe?- Got the toilet bowl win but shouldn't stop trying to get too fat to fit in the hotdog suit.
11. Dr. Omalu's Future Patients (Jackson, 2-3)
Eagles- Needs Saquon and Aj to ball to have any semblance of a team.
10 FEET OF SHIT
12. Bryce Young's Hot Dog Stand (Dobby, 0-5)
Glizzy- Well, the years dogs start comin' and they don't stop comin'
Hope eveyone in Tampa is safe or evacuating for this second hurricane. Blessings up for you boys. Bye weeks are upon us and they've already started to mess with team chemistry week to week. Oh yeah and more players keep dying. Too early for anyone to feel safe, as Dobby will be sending everyone trades in order to make his team average enough to stave off the hotdogs. Not (Isaiah) likely though. Fuck you all and as always Fuck You Cammarn (Vol.2).
P.S. Compiling a list of rules/changes to vote on for next season, if you cant think of anything let me know.
Week 6 Matchups
Kamesh v Robby
Trevor v Dobby
Tuna v Camm
Jackson v Meg
Payton v Martin
Schmaus v Gordo
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