24/25 Week 13 Recap, The Final Suckening

 Week 13 Recap

Hi, Hello, Howdy boys and welcome to the end of another swell season. As usual, took crunch time of the season off from doing writeups, but back for the end as I'm wont to do. First order of business though, is that we have a new hotdog boy for the season: our lovely boy Schmaus, who couldn't overcome Dobby's witchcraft as the house elf pulled away at the last minute. Can he secure his stadium of choice with a losers bracket championship? Not if Meg has anything to say about it. But somehow he is still in playoff contention with most of the league, with only 3 spots being locked up. Its gonna be a wild end to the season boys, say your prayers to the ghost of (fantasy) Jamaal Charles. 

Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (129.68) v Naughty Shawties: Revenge Tour (107.94)

The revenge tour didn't sell enough tickets. While Cowboys D had me looking good after Thanksgiving, Camm was looking pretty in the early slate. The he said he'd trade a Bucs win for a fantasy win. So the Bucs won and then Lamar and Rachaad went crazy in garbage time and Njoku became Jameis' bestie. I'll take it to secure a playoff spot.

Camm watching the Bucs lose and hitting self-destruct

War Daddy (138.82) v Winners Bracket Champ (102.56)

If it makes you feel better Meg, you probably wouldn't have won even if you did play a kicker. Trev got double digits from almost his entire team, and while Meg put up a valiant fight, even a few players underperforming spelled doom to Meg's playoff chances.

Meg checking to see he's back in the losers bracket (probably)

Brother Decotis Lives (133.06) v 3 Kids, 1 Nut (104.6)

Tuna continues his winning streak and Payton continues his tumble from the top. A hot 26 point performance from brock Bowers led the way for Tuna's team with almost everyone in double digits. Payton had some decent performers, but that only led to a decent score, not enough to pull out a win.

What's more fraudulent: Payton or Mexican Chris Collinsworth?

Bryce Young's Hotdog Stand (131.34) vs Losing Season Drinking Reason (117.76)

The fucking witchcraft. Dobby made it out of this season alive (in his mind) with huge games from Bucky Irving and Scary Terry. Although CMC's injury isn't fatal to Gordo's hopes, it hurts to think what coudl've been when it came to this matchup.

McCaffrey

Legette This Dowdle (114.52) v Stairway to Evans (111.78)

Justin Tucker officially being washed made sure that Schmaus is eating hotdogs this year. Unfortunate, as he was just a few point away, but Marty was tussling the entire way. His namesake actually did something this week (no surprise when you're playing the giants), and he did enough to fend off Schmaus' late comeback. 3 cheers for the new hotdog king, fuck Justin Tucker.

Nothing else to be said

Dr. Omalu's Future Patients (140.24) v If You Ain't First You're Last (75.7)

Well other than Jonnu Smith, Robby had one of the worst week of all time from his positional players. DIdn't matter with Jackson getting not only double digits from most of his team, but fucking 39 from Jeudy in a revenge game. Seeing Jeudy in Denver for so many years doesn't give me hope that he can sustain his performance, but if he can, Jackson's team might have someone to lift them up besides Saquon. 

The prince that was promised (just not for the Giants)

Power Rankings

1. Brother Decotis Lives (Tuna), 8-5 - One of the few that have secured a playoff spot, a five game win streak has Tunas sitting pretty.

2. Fuck You Cammarn Vol.2 (Mesh) 9-4 - Couldn't sustain my performances the entire season, but team held it together long enough to get me back to the playoffs. Now trhow it to Ceedee 10 times a game Cooper Rush, cmon.

3. If You Ain't First, You're Last (Rob) 9-4 - Top of the standings so far this year, staying true to his name. But this is not a scary team, and one should rightfully wonder whether he can sustain a playoff run.

4. War Daddy (Trevor) 7-6 - Now we get to the boys still vying for a playoff spot, making my comments easy. Win and you're in.

5. Dr. Omalu's Future Patients (Jackson) 7-6 - Saquon got you here, can he get you over the finish line to the playoffs? You better hope Bryce Young has something to say about it, otherwise gamescript is gonna bury you this week.

6. Losing Season, Drinking Reason (Gordo) 7-6 -  Scary team, win and you're (probably) in? Idk what the h2h matchups have looked like, do your own doom math. 

7. Legget this Dowdle (Marty) 7-6 - Same thing, idk who's making the playoffs but their teams look better than yours on paper.

8. Naughty Shawties Revenge Tour (Camm) 6-7 - Now we're at the living on a prayer section. Can top scorer win and have everything else go his way to secure a playoff spot?

9. Winner's Bracket Champ (Meg) 6-7 - You calling it a winners bracket instead of a championship shows how out of your element your are. Change your name back and get back in the hole.

10. 3 Kids 1 Nut (Payton) 6-7 - You hold on to that 1%.

11. Bryce Young's Hotdog Stand (Dobby) 4-9 - 

12. Stairway to Evans (Schmaus) 2-11 - Long live our new hotdog king.

This is honestly the wildest playoff race I've seen, no clue who's getting into the last 3 spots. Season's not quite over, but well played to everyone. Lets try and get the destination for Schmaus' punishment decided in the spring to make planning easier for me. Once again thank you all for being part of another injury-plagued season, fuck all of your playoff hopes and most of all Fuck You Cammarn's (Vol.2) playoff hopes. Yeah I know it doesn't work, fuck off.